I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
FUCK WHALES
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
