She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
