Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize