I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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