so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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