I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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