Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
