I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
