I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
