She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
