i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize