her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is Oprah even human
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
