The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
