Just took my morning after pill in the library
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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