Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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