Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
