I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
