A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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