i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize