So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
