Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
