fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
then he tried to convert me to islam
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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