I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize