watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
