I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
