So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
