i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
