dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
