I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
