Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
