How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
