I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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