I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
jump out the window naked night went bad
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
