Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
