Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
