the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
