he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
