I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
