Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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