Acid is not a monday night drug
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
