it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
