omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
