Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
