So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
