question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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