So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just gift wrapped bread.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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