Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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