Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
