Don't make out with my wife yet
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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