never play flip cup with pint glasses
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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