also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We left the knife in your bed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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