I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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