how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love having hate sex.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
