Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
