You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize