I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
