Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
