U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
