I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
