wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
