I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
