if only i could text you this smell
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
