I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just google imaged poop.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
