i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
