this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
