I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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