I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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