i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize