She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
