What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize