Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
