if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Drunk is not a location!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
