I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I could fuck to npr.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
