if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So vagazzling was a success
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
