Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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