I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
