Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
