I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My bed smells like the plague
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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