He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
