I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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