I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
