he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this just has baby written all over it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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