Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
