I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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