WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
