you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
