What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
