You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
