its not stalking. its research.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize