8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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