Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
