I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
