Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Watching her eat just hurts me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
