The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize