my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
