Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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