I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
